02 July 2015

mid-life thoughts

Priorities change as we age. What I treasured in the years before no longer matter as much to me now.

Perhaps this is what they call mid-life crisis as I approach 33 this year.

The past few years, my body succumb to sickness more frequent. I continued to drive myself hard at the workplace. And I caught myself asking "for what?" increasingly often.

I did not seek high positions. I don’t like to be mangled in the web of politics.

All I wanted was a job where I can learn, and earn a monthly income so that the bank would grant us a home loan and have sufficient to pay the bills.

Then reality hits.

Mum got laid off despite her loyalty with the workplace.

Grandma struggled between episodes of sanity and uncertainty.

A younger relative suffered a tragic freak accident and lost his limbs.

My ex-company struggled a year plus in the impending gloom of being acquired.

Loyal folks who been there for a long time... gone.

Young blood we fought hard with competitors to join our pursuit of excellence... gone.

One thing remained the same.

Souls were crushed.

I wasn’t impacted directly by many events that happen in my life. But like a stone flung into the still pond, the waters rippled. As more stones were thrown, more ripples. More splashes.

No one said the journey was easy. You get to decide the meaning to your journey. You get to decide how you want to be remembered.

As I approach 33, I tell myself "enough is enough. No more excuses, Wendy."

I have made a decision to pursue what I wanted badly. For the next one year, I may make it. I may break it. At least I tried it.

And when I look back in a life of highs and lows, I would have no regrets.

For I can tell myself at least I had done it.