10 July 2015

The confrontational side of Wendy

It is always interesting to discover what you unearth during housemoving. As I unpack and sort through my books and papers, I came across some notes I scribbled about a year ago. There was this word that hit me deep and I reflected on this for a month.

Someone who knew me for about 2 months then, made a comment that I am quite confrontational at times.

I guess many people will feel pissed hearing this about yourself from a stranger.

I was in fact very amused by the truthfulness of this "stranger". Not many people would risk the amiable relationship by being so direct and in a negative sense.

Though I didn't take it to heart then, I thought deep this time when I read my scribbles again. I thought deep about my current circumstances.

There are two sides to a coin. There are two sides to a story (maybe sometimes more). Whether there was a negative connotation to the remark, I made the decision to see this in the positive light.

Knowing that I am confrontational at times made more self-aware. When "rushing" to respond, I take two seconds to stop, breathe, and think quick how my response might affect the other party. From there, I choose how I would like to respond, be it abrasively or politely.

Knowing that I am confrontational at times made me more reflective. I thought back about the times I said or did something that was confronting. I pat myself on the back, at least I "woken up the idea of some people" and with almost 100% success rate, got things moving.

Like what some bosses said "I don't care how it is done, as long as it is done!" (except illegal means of course)

I joined a "masterclass" Facebook closed group recently and I loved what this master said "...We're not here to do everything for you. Questions are fine but when someone gives you an answer, you should go do what is suggested, instead of asking someone to hand it to you on a plate."

It may sound harsh, but this is how the world works.

At work the situation became so bad for me supporting my team of "experienced folks drawing higher salary than me" that I have decided to call it quits.

In a separate support chatgroup I am in, I asked questions in my first weeks. Less than a month old, I am now capable of addressing most of the questions and people start chatting with me 1:1 for help.

I don't know about you, but I never like the feeling of being "handicapped" (note: I don't mean physically disabled). I like to be self-sufficient and independent. If I don't understand, I ask, I clarify, I leverage and most importantly I learn and improve or improvise.

I can hand you a cooked fish on a plate when you are hungry. But please appreciate when I teach you to fish and how to serve it up as a meal.

There is no permanence in this world. I wouldn't be here forever fishing and preparing your meals.

I'd be nice and show you how to fish and cook. I'd show you twice or thrice and pray you will learn the ropes.

After a while, the human me, my patience runs thin... my teachings did not sink into the knucklehead of yours... fine. I repeat.

But when the elementary lesson was re-emphasised time and again and still not understood... and the SAME dumba$$ question slip from your lips...fine!

It's never good when a woman say"...fine!"

I might slap you with the fish.

Maybe the fish will take pity on my agonizing soul and slap you with its fin.

Confrontational Wendy or not, I'm loving it the positive way.